THIS NINETY MINUTE MASSAGE CHANGED HIS LIFE FOREVER

Steenie the Scot, we called him. Steenie was a large, beefy guy, probably 6’4” tall and weighed in at a little less than 300 pounds.  To others, to those who didn’t know Steenie the Scot, he looked like trouble since he seldom shaved, could out perform most anyone in the gym, and wore those tight, sleeveless muscle shirts which he believed made him appear even more muscular but, in fact, seemed to make him look like an over-stuffed goose.

Massages weren’t part of Steenie’s Pattaya routine. And I know why. Sure, Steenie like massages as most do, but the massage ladies considered Steenie’s bulky weight and considerable height as just too, too much work. There seemed to be too much skin, too many muscles to cover so the massage girls didn’t reach out to Steenie as they did for more normal-sized men.

Rather than go through the embarrassment of being turned down by massage parlors, Steenie used his cover-up excuse of “I don’t like massages.” But, I knew better. Who doesn’t enjoy being professionally massaged by a lovely Thai girl whose primary job is to satisfy you?

One sleepy and rainy Wednesday afternoon, I suggested to Steenie, “Let’s take a ride. Let’s take your truck. I’ve got a place I want to show you.” Steenie the Scot went along with the idea. What else was there to do? Certainly, no golf was on our agenda for today and we were not in the mood for a visit to The Million Years Stone Park and Pattaya Crocodile Farm. I directed Steenie to a sort-of-secretive massage shop, hidden away behind  the Big C Extra on Pattaya Klang Road.

He followed my directions and within ten minutes we were parked in front of the location that I knew, for sure, would adjust Steenie’s attitude toward massages. At first Steenie the Scot refused to budge from the driver’s seat. I coddled him a little, encouraging him to follow me for I was absolutely positive that the lovely massage girls I knew were waiting inside would reach out to Steenie and offer him a memorable massage.

What surprised Steenie the most was that not one-but eight attractive, young massage girls, were delighted to see him and each offered their services. The shoes were on the other foot. For the first time, it was Steenie’s choice…and choose he did. Steenie the Scot selected the tiniest girl of the bunch, barely five foot tall, but definitely shapely.

At the end of Steenie’s 90 minute massage, (his massage girl honestly suggested before hand that considering his size and all it might take a little longer for her to do a complete job), my Scottish friend walked out fully convinced that a couple weekly massages would do him some good.

I didn’t intend to be matchmaker but when I saw Steenie the Scot and his tiny massage girl strolling hand in hand down Beach Road, I knew that this was a match made in Heaven. “It was the kiss that did it,” said Steenie, “after the first massage, while I was still on the massage bed, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. For a moment I thought she was that beautiful model, Heidi Klum ” He continued, “I couldn’t help myself so I picked her up and kissed her right back.” I hugged my favorite Scottish pal and told him how happy I was that he and his girlfriend were now living in his apartment-looking forward to a blissful life together.

I WASN’T PREPARED FOR THIS SURPRISING MASSAGE

Strolling back from my weekly shopping excursion at the Big C on Pattaya’s Second Road where I usually pick up a bunch of fresh salad veggies and some fresh fruit, I crossed over to the beach side of Second Road where I could walk past the beer bars and scope out the activity-maybe bump into a pal or two to say “hi.”

Goi, a tiny, slim and gorgeous, young lady with magnificent grey eyes to compliment her copper tone skin, a dead ringer for the famous Salma Hayek, reached out from her stalking position of the small massage parlor placed somewhat back from the street so that the shop’s street frontage was not much more than the three foot passageway. She held my hand with both her hands and looked up at me longingly, saying, “Please, massage you very, very good.”

She didn’t have to say more. I had a fully loaded backpack resting on my shoulders plus I was carrying two ten-pound bags of supermarket stuff. A rest break was just what the doctor would have ordered. Since a doctor wasn’t around, a lovely, 20-year-old massage girl would have to take the physician’s place.

Goi, led me through the narrow passage, down into the basement level of the older building. She walked comfortably while I had to walk slightly bent to avoid scraping my head on the low ceiling. My stunning massage girl, pulled back the curtain to a typical, tiny space with a massage mat on the floor and a couple towels resting on a corner table.

At this point, I wasn’t too thrilled with the set-up and considered giving up this encounter altogether. But I thought to myself, I’ve gone this far and Goi’s massage will overcome the physical deficiencies of the building, including the dampness and dusty, moldy smell that permeating throughout.

I thought I knew the routine. Goi left the massage space and closed the curtain so I could strip down in privacy and get myself comfortable on the massage mat. There I was, prone and on my stomach, resting my head on a scrunched up towel, when I heard the curtain being pulled back and the rustle of Goi kneeling to the floor to begin the massage.

Something wasn’t quite right. The two, soft, tiny hands with lovely, long fingers felt like rough sandpaper on my back. It seemed that large calloused hands with extraordinary pressure were pushing hard on my back. I turned my head upward to ask Goi, to ease up a bit only to discover that Goi was no longer Goi.

Instead, it became apparent that gorgeous Goi was the massage shill, leading unsuspecting passersby to a small army of hardened, tough old ladies who were more accustomed to working the rice fields of Isaan than working out the kinks of sore muscles. Quickly, very quickly, I lifted myself up, put my clothes back on, profusely thanked the extra-large, well-fed, and much older massage lady and paid the going price with a satisfactory tip that brought a sly smile to my grandmotherly massage girl.

Leading myself up and out, back to Second Road, I smiled at Goi, as I passed her on the sidewalk and I thanked her as well.  After all, she was only doing her job and doing it well. After a while, I thought I should have tipped Goi since she was the superb shill that was saving the small basement massage shop from complete oblivion.

MASSAGE TO MARRIAGE-ROADMAP TO HAPPINESS

“I will never get married again.” You’ve heard that before, in fact, one expects to overhear the “never” word at least a dozen times a day in Pattaya. The “never” word is the calling card for displaced divorced men, broke and disheartened. These men from all over the world consider themselves bullet proof – non-responders to the will of a determined Thai lady.

If I earned a dollar for every time I heard the “never” word, I might be a rich man…a millionaire. Who can blame these men, married once, twice, three times in their home country and now playing the field with the notorious Pattaya girls…especially the favored massage girls of Pattaya.

Pattaya’s Go-Go girls are world-famous. These girls are considered, as a whole, among the most beautiful women in the world. And rightfully so, since I’ve seen these girls for myself.

Among he thousands and thousands of beer bar girls are additional thousands of lovely, charming, erotic, experienced Thai ladies also considered beautiful by any world standard but in Pattaya they’re labeled old-ladies…over the age of thirty.

Amazingly, hidden away from most horny, probing eyes of visiting Western men are young, attractive, talented, and gorgeous girls who prefer a more sedate lifestyle away from the hustle of outrageous public behavior. Many young ladies from all areas of Thailand who still must earn a living and help their families who struggle to make ends meet enjoy a leisurely paced work environment as a massage girl of Pattaya.

Mae, one such twenty-year-old beauty from Udon Thani, studied well and passed her high school exams to find that there were limited opportunities in her hometown. Mae, as hundreds of thousands of other Thai girls have done and are still doing, took a spot as lowly paid laundry helper at the Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing.

Whatever her occupation, even as a laundry helper in a large hotel, Mae was bombarded with pay-for-play offers by hotel guests, passers-by on the street, bus patrons on her way to and from work, everywhere Mae went the men were sure to follow. Mae didn’t think of herself as a beauty but scores of men swore that she was a twin to the world famous pop singer, Beyonce.

It was when Mae finished her massage training and joined the massage ladies at My Girl Massage, considered the finest massage shop in Pattaya, that she met Eugene, a South African landowner and farmer, who visited Pattaya for a couple weeks of lovely, leisurely ladies.

Eugene, a 59 year old, wealthy and twice divorced man uttered the “never” word again and again. He believed that love; true marriageable love was out of his equation. Lust yes, love no. Eugene had no intention of hooking up with any lady for more than a few hours; until the long, lovely fingers of Mae stroked his body.

Today, Eugene and Mae, live on a magnificent ranch, outside of Bushbuckridge with Eugene’s mother, Mae’s mother as well and Not, the handsome son of our happy couple.

MY TWO-HOUR TRIP TO PARADISE-PATTAYA STYLE

Over the loudspeaker at the Thai Air gateway inside the Suvarnabhumi Airport in Bangkok was heard, “We apologize for the delay. Flight 793 to Los Angeles is now scheduled for departure at 6:30 tomorrow morning; six hours from now.”

“Wow,” thought Mr. F., the straight-laced, church-going, married, father of four and CEO of Global Auto Parts, secretly smiling to himself, “that leaves me with enough time to visit Pattaya, the sex capital of the world.” A two-hour taxi to and from offers me two hours of well-deserved bliss. And I certainly deserve it.”

So, for the first time, the first time ever, Mr. F., changed cloaks. No longer an uptight, busy coat and tie business executive but rather the devious, exploitive bachelor, a Hugh Hefner in disguise, out to take advantage of every spare second; throwing himself into the worldly pleasures that only Pattaya could provide-all wrapped into two compact hours.

Explaining his desires to the taxi-driver, Mr. F. reserved his taxi for six straight hours. Of course, the taxi-driver knew instantly that Mr. F. would need some watching-over, some supervision to guarantee that he would be back at the airport with sufficient time to board his Thai Air flight back home to America.

Clearly, two hours in Pattaya wasn’t enough time to visit everything offered but the driver mentally laid out an itinerary that put Mr. F. inside a couple go-go bars for an hour and finishing off with a one hour massage of a lifetime.

The eyes of Mr. F. were popping out inside the Walking Street’s Peppermint Go-Go and when escorted to the X-zone Go-Go-well, Mr. F.’s composure was long gone.

If the taxi driver was to maximize his tip, he understood that Mr. F. required a satisfying ending to the two-hour excursion so without hesitation Mr. F. was escorted to My Girl Massage, one of the most celebrated massage shops of Pattaya. The driver explained the need of Mr. F. to the receptionist at My Girl Massage.

I don’t know who was happiest. Mr. F. finished his two-hour trip to paradise with a smile on face and the taxi-driver received his massive tip of a lifetime.

MASSAGE NIRVANA-PATTAYA’S SECRET

No longer does one have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the perfect Thai masseuse. One location, hidden from the crowded street traffic and hordes of walking tourists is one massage location perfectly tailored to meet the scrutiny and demands of even the most sophisticated massage enthusiast.

Klaus M., a German ex-pat with more than eleven years of Pattaya massage experience gleefully expresses his pleasure with the only Pattaya massage that completely fulfilled all his expectations and more.

“I spend nine months of each year for the past eleven years enjoying all the activities, the golf, the culture and the massages which Pattaya offers in abundance.” Klaus continues, “You can call me an aficionado of massages or you can label me a perfectionist for demanding that I, not the Thai lady, but I control every aspect of my massage.

Klaus has a condo not far from The Avenue Shopping Center. He’s centrally located so that he can walk or motorbike to virtually anywhere in Pattaya within minutes. With such flexibility Klaus has tasted the flavors of Pattaya massages from Pattaya Tai to Nua Pattaya. If there’s a massage sign on the street, you can bet that Klaus has visited and maybe left his mark.

“Sure,” Klaus says, “some massage locations are better than others most, however, are terrible; not worth the measly prices. Still, I never gave up, always believing that massage nirvana was available and waiting for me in Pattaya.”

As always patience is rewarded. Klause reveals, “The only massage shop I’ll recommend is one that does not solicit every Thailand tourist. It’s located in Central Pattaya and once you know exactly where it is-you’ll never go elsewhere-guaranteed.”

All the girls are magnificent, all talented in their own right. Seriously, they’re not all Carmen Electra’s or Jennifer Lopez but one will have a hard time selecting the most beautiful from a bevy of beautiful Thai girls.

My Girl Massage not only offers all the favorite massage styles but also lets you select your Thai lady from a lovely assortment of magnificently trained and obedient girls. Amazing!